IX:

So the fact that I am pregnant and need to start over with raising a child has finally hit. I had family and friends visiting this past week and it was nice to not have to constantly chase after Lily. Today I fell apart. I'm blaming it on the pregnancy hormones. I'm stressed out, tired, sick, emotional to no end, that I just sat down in the bathroom and had a good cry. I'm not ready to do this again. I don't want to do this again.

But it's too late to turn back now....

I have just about snapped. Lily was into everything today. I had friends and family up here visiting for spring break, so I had a lovely dose of a break that when now all of them are gone, I'm at wit's end. She was into everything, ate half a tub of Vaseline, bit me, pinched me, yelled at me, and just downright ignored me. I don't know how many times I punished her today.

I know she's acting out because she is not getting the attention she wants/needs/was getting this week. But I am only one person. I put her to bed early and she threw the biggest fit you'd swear I was beating her. I just broke down and cried for a while.

I am so stressed out that I just want to shake her. She has been such a nightmare since her grandma and uncle left and turned into a little demon after Kesia left today. I can't do this. I just can't. I don't know what possesed me to belive that I could be a good mom and that I could function with a toddler while being pregnant. I don't want to do this again, I don't want to start over.

I'm at an emotional breaking point and I just don't know what to do anymore. I've been depressed for weeks, I just haven't talked to anyone about it. I just don't know.