XXXIII: Labor and delivery

OK, so I said I'd post a labor and delivery story when I got more sleep. That's not going to happen any time soon so here it goes...

I woke up on Oct 25th feeling very crampy and uncomfortable. I had been feeling like that for a while now so I just ignored it and went on about my day. I figured they were contractions, but I wanted them to be closer before going to the hospital. By the afternoon they were getting stronger but were still irregular so I decided to put my toddler and self down for a nap. We woke up at 7. While walking down the stairs they hit pretty hard. Making sure they were not Braxton-Hicks's, I decided to walk the dog and called up my good friend. She then timed my contractions while I walked the dog. They were two-minutes apart at 1 minute length. I decided I should go into the hospital that night as I had been advised to go in when contractions started. I had had a previous c-section and wanted to try a VBAC. Since there is risk for uterine rupture, they have to monitor the labor at all times.

I let my husband know while he made dinner. Luckily I had everything packed and ready to go for weeks, so I didn't have to worry about anything else except for my ID and insurance which was sitting on the dining table in a neat pile.

After dinner my contractions were hitting harder and I just wanted to cry. I have a pretty high pain tolerance so I could function just fine, but that didn't mean it wasn't hurting like hell. So we grabbed our toddler and the bags and got everything in the car and hauled ass to the hospital. The drive is normally 45 minutes. We made it there in half the time.

J was very sweet and held my hand the entire time while I was in pain, which helped. I needed something to hold on to when I was in pain.

I did all the regular stuff when I got there and they placed me in the L&D room with all the monitors hooked up. It was sometime passed 8 when I got there...

Almost 24 HOURS LATER--My contractions are still 2 minutes apart, 1 minute long, hurt like hell. I'm crying every once in a while from the pain and guess what...My body was not responding to it...AT ALL. I was at 1 cm 50% effaced when I got there and stayed there through the entire night. My OB came in and gave me some alternatives. She knew I did not want another c-section and I explained to her my reasons. (I had a crappy experience the first time.) She understood and was willing to do other things if I was still wanting to wait it out. She was very considerate and gave me time to think. After bawling like a baby that my body was just not going to do this naturally, I talked to my husband and decided it would be best to do another cesarean. Everyone was supportive and my OB was actually shocked that I had chosen the C instead. She kept asking me if I was sure. I let her know that my body didn't tolerate labor last time, it obviously wasn't going to do it this time either. I was exhausted and in a lot of pain. I couldn't go home b/c of the risks. I was willing to suck it up and take the surgery.

And so, with my husband, some awesome anesthesiologists, goofy nurses, my OB and the resident OB, my daughter was delivered that night (26 Oct) at 8:38.

It was a better experience than my last cesarean. I had people who supported me and didn't nag me. I had a great staff helping me. There was no emergency so there was no rush. And now my husband fully understands what it's like to have a c-section since he watched the whole thing.

My personal recovery time was incredibly short. I was on the phone the minute the rolled me out of the OR and put me in my room. I was there for three days. The only pain I was suffering from was from the incision as it healed and from my edema (which got so bad I couldn't walk sometimes.) My husband took a week off of work and helped out. He started going back a couple of days ago, and I've actually been okay being alone with the girls. I was expecting worse, but Lily has been a good big sister and Iris sleeps 98% of the time.

I've gotten the hang of breastfeeding (FINALLY!) to where I no longer supplement with formula and where I can walk around the house with her still attached to my boob and me hold her in one arm as I chase my toddler down the hall who has something in her hand she's not supposed to.

Iris is a week and a half (4 days) today. Her umbilicus fell off this morning so she now has a regular belly button. So now I don't have to worry about putting her in her onesies and footies and can give her a regular bath.

*sigh* It's nice having two gorgeous baby girls. (Even if one isn't so much a baby anymore.)

XXXII: Pics and Vids

If you haven't already looked at our newborn baby girl, who is absolutely gorgeous, check out her pictures (which in the first hour of delivery, her daddy filled up the memory card in the camera ;) ) go to the following websites.

Family pictures of Iris can be found at HERE
Videos of Iris can be found along with her sister's at HERE all titled PixofIris for your convenience. :D

The hospital photo can be found at HERE

ENJOY! :)

XXXI: Baby!!

I will be posting a more thorough post (pictures, labor&delivery, etc) when I have more time and sleep. This is all you get for now

IT'S A GIRL!!
Name: Iris Marie Ames
Born: October 26, 2007
Time: 08:38 PM
Weight: 7lbs, 9.4 oz
Length: 20 inches
Hair: Dark brown and wavy; but far less than what her sister had.

The End.

XXX: Pics and Vids

1. I have been having false labor since Friday night. I am still contracting and in pain, but they are not strong enough (I can have whole conversations through them) and not regular.
2. I am sitting here, laughing my ass off. Why? B/c Lily is trying to put on a pair of sweat pants....over her jeans! She is super pissed that it's not working. LOL. She's taking out her frustrations on the furniture. Hey, at least it's not the dog.
3. Her pictures and videos have been updated. Go HERE (pics) and HERE (vids) to view them. Enjoy!

XXIX: 9 months

CAN I GOZE NTO LBR NOW PLZ?! KTHNX!!

My everything hurts. I just keep getting bigger. (I'm slightly larger than the picture. Not by much, but still bigger.) I'm at 150 lbs now. I gained 4 lbs in a week. Iris is about 7 lbs according to the U/S's. I have a little less than a week until my due date. Nothing else to report.

XXVIII: Can I go into labor now?

Ugh. I'm so sick of waiting.
Either I lost a lot of weight during this pregnancy, or Iris will be bigger than her sister. During Lily's, my belly button never popped out. It did this weird duck-bill thing at the top but that was it. At 8 mths (almost 9), you look at my belly and you can say "Turkey's done!" My back hurts, my head hurts, my everything hurts...my hands and feet keep swelling. I'm still getting sick from my low BP... *sigh* Did I mention I'm sick of waiting?

I cleaned out the car (almost). It was the most disgusting thing (next to month old dishes) that I have ever seen. J comes out and goes, "Don't throw away the cups from the gas station. I said too bad and threw them away. I was peeling random shit out of the carpet; we were not keeping anything from that car. I'm not done. I want to scrub those carpets and clean the rest of the stuff I missed before Iris gets here. The only reason I didn't finish is b/c my husband started lunch and then pestered me outside. But at least it's decent enough right now. I'm still not satisfied. I do not want to place my newborn child who has no immunities yet in a trash can on wheels.

Her crib is built; I have the co-sleeper set. My back is packed. Her bag is packed. Her sister's bag is packed. The laundry's done. She has most of what she needs. The car seat is set up in the car... Can she come now? I'm done! :)

Anyway, here are belly pics of the 7th and 8th month. I'll be taking a belly pic in a couple of weeks for the 9th.

What I think is amusing is that you can now see my veins. Why? Because I am so stretched out i have NEW stretch marks and my skin hurts so bad, even after putting on lotion. This child is either going to be large, or I just lost a lot of weight.

That is all.

XXVII:

SO my blood pressure has dropped considerably. Which explains all my dizzy spells and nausea and everything that I have been having. My BP, which is usually 120/58, was at 96/46. My OB saw no problem with this. I understand her logic, but she doesn't seem to understand my panic. I have a toddler. She's 20 mths old and likes to terrorize not only the house, but the dog. I have to constantly chase after her to make sure she doesn't kill herself, the dog, or me. My husband works nights and is asleep during all this commotion. I do not drive and walk everywhere. I CANNOT have my BP drop to God knows where and take the risk of passing out. True, I know that BP drops at the middle and goes back up again near the end...*ahem* I'm in my 8th month, when exactly is "the end"?

*sigh* It's just frustrating. I've done everything I can possibly do to not get dizzy. I eat small frequent meals to keep my sugar up. I drink water every half hour. I get up slowly, and if I lay die it's on my left side. I am cooped up in the house b/c the temp is in the 70s and not the 90s like it is outside. I still get dizzy, I still get sick and if I don't lay down IMMEDIATELY, I collapse. This is getting ridiculous.

32w5d

XXVI: Checklist

Here is a "basic" new parent's checklist I got from Babies R Us. The ones marked with "X" I already have. Things have been removed from this list if I don't even need them.

Gear
_X_ Car Seat (infant or convertible seat)
___ Car Seat Head Support
_X_ Stroller (look for one with full recline)
_X_ Portable Crib or Playard
_X_ Playard Sheets
_X_Sling or Soft Carrier

Activity
___ Gym or Playmat
_X_ Bouncer Seat
_X_ Swing
_X_ Walker

Health & Safety
_X_ Safety Gate
_X_ Corner Guards & Tot Locks
___ Humidifier
_X_ Thermometer
_X_ Brush and Comb
_X_ First Aid Kit
_X_ Nail Scissors
_X_ Gas Relief Drops

Diapering
_X_ Diaper Bag
_X_ Rash Ointment and Powder
_X_ Wipes Warmer
_X_ Diapers (size 1) (though I probably need more.)
_X_ Baby Wipes


Clothing & Layette
_X_ Baby Girls' Clothes
_X_ Unisex Clothes
___ Homecoming Outfit
___ 4-6 T-shirts or Kimonos
_X_ Shirts and One Pieces
___ Coveralls & Outfits
_X_ Layette Sets
___ Sweaters
_X_ 2 Sleepsacks
_X_ 4-8 Gowns
_X_ Absorbent Bibs
_X_ Booties or Socks
_X_ Hats
_X_ Snowsuit or Bunting and Warm Hat (for winter babies)
_X_ Receiving Blankets

Nursery
_X_ Bassinet, Co-Sleeper or Cradle
_X_ Crib
_X_ Mattress
_X_ Mattress Pad
_X_ Crib Bedding Set
_X_ Fitted Sheets, Cotton and/or Flannel
_X_ Crib Blankets
_X_ Mobile
_X_ Dresser/Armoire
_X_ Changing Table
_X_ Changing Pad & Covers
_X_ Glider and Ottoman or Rocker
_X_ Hamper
_X_ Lamp
_X_ Nursery Storage

Toys, Rattles & More
_X_ Rattles/Teethers
_X_ Toys for 0-12 Months
_X_ Stuffed Animals
_X_ Crib Mirror
_X_ Crib Toys
_X_ Car Seat & Stroller Toys

Feeding
_X_ Breast Pump
_X_ Nursing Pillow & Nursing Stool
___ Breast Pads, Shields & Cream
_X_ Bibs, Burp Cloths and Lap Pads
_X_ Bottles and Nipples
_X_ High Chair
_X_ Feeding Sets
_X_ Infant Spoons


Bath & Potty
_X_ Bath Tub
_X_ Bath Toys
_X_ Washcloths & Hooded Towels
_X_ Gentle Shampoo or Body Wash
_X_ Baby Lotion
_X_ Bath Accessories

And that, my friends and family, should be all. In the previous post it lists my registries. Again, they are pretty small and I only got what I thought I needed. If you find something on this list that is not in that registry and you want to buy it, go for. :) I like gifts. :)

NOTE: this entry has been continuously edited to show update on things recently received or purchased.

XXV: Baby Registry

So Iris has two baby registries. One with Wal-Mart, and another with Babies R Us. So if you want to buy her something, here are the links. :)

Babies 'R Us Baby Registry

Wal-Mart Baby Registry

If you just want to buy something that is not listed, let me know, and I'll e-mail you my address. :)

XXIV: Much Needed Update

Pregnancy has been going well. I have finally gained weight. :) Yay! I had been stuck at 130 (fluctuating between 127 and 133) since the beginning of my pregnancy and when I went to my appointment on Wednesday, I was 140! *does dance*

When I was standing on the scale I did a little dance and yelled out "Yes!" My nurse started laughing. She told me that not a lot of mothers are excited about gaining weight. They should be, but they're not.

I'm about 28 and a half weeks now. Iris is measuring between 28 and 30 weeks. No surprise there. I know I will be having Amazon daughters thanks to my 6'2" husband. I'd scan the ultrasounds I have, but since the move, the scanner hasn't been set up, so no pictures on that front. However, I realized I have not been posting belly pics, and I do have those. So for your enjoyment here are some.



These were taken at the end of April, May, June, and July. I started showing at three months, and decided to wait until then to start taking pictures. I'm waiting until near the end of this month to take my official "7 mth" pic.

I don't mind the stretch marks much anymore. I was a bit apprehensive in the beginning about posting these, but I'm over it. They are there and that is the beauty of being a tiny person with huge babies. LOL. I'm going to stretch out that way. There's no way of avoiding it (though I have tried.) I'm just going to be a blimp for the next ten years while I keep having babies every two years or so. :)

That's the plan anyway. After a baby turns one, we'll try for another. Until we reach five. Then if J wants more than five, he can go find some other crazy woman to give him the rest. :) Unless I change my mind and then I'm just screwed from that point. LOL. And they will all be named after plants! All the girls will be flowers; the boys herbs or trees. Next girl will be Violet. I'm contemplating between Sage, Rowan, and Basil for a boy. Now I just have to persuade J that those are great names for boys. ;) LOL

Anyway, I'm healthy, I hurt, and I'm horribly tired. Ugh, I really want this pregnancy to be done. Iris is already completely upside down and resting on my cervix. Only two more months to go...

XXIII: A year and a half

So. I keep forgetting to update. No big surprise there. I'm pregnant with a crazy toddler and a crazy dog. I got two curly-haired spazzes that I have to chase after and then another one growing inside of me. *ah!* Yeah, I'm crazy. Anyway:



Lily's pictures and videos have been updated (sort of.) I still have a few more videos to upload and a couple more pictures, but nothing that can't wait. ;) Click on the photo above to be taken to her pics. For the awesome videos, Click Here!


She's growing up so fast.
As you can see, she's not my chunky monkey anymore. She's just my monkey. She's just getting taller and leaner, and the only fat rolls she's got left are on her drumstick thighs. :) She has my feet, that poor girl. They smell so bad when you take her shoes off. LOL. But, because of her eyes, she's starting to look a lot like her daddy. But she is an original, especially with her triangle dimples on her right cheek.

She's seriously testing boundaries, with me anyway. When J scolds her, he's like the voice of God. Sometimes he doesn't even have to say anything. He'll just stand there, cross his arms, and give her a look and she'll just do it. Not a word from him and she'll go and do it. While I have to tell her twice and then spank her butt.

She's a drama queen, like her mother, and prefers to be naked, like her mother. :) There are many days when I find her playing in her room bare-ass. And there are many days when I have to chase her across the house b/c she's taken off her diaper and is celebrating. Lol. She's a strange one.

Her vocabulary is pretty good. It's a little over 30 words, and she understands well when you speak to her. You'll ask her a question and she can respond honestly or ask her to do something and she'll run off and go do it (when she wants to of course.) She's shy around strangers (adults) but warms up to them if they have that aura. With kids, she doesn't even think twice. She'll start laughing and smiling and run up to them and give them a hug before ever saying hi. Sometimes she'll even kiss them.

I put us in a developmental program called Learning for Life: Parents as Teachers for parents of children 5 and under. An educator comes once a month and helps me with doing age-appropriate learning activities with Lily. So far so good. I'm apparently doing everything right. J complains sometimes that she's not talking enough, but I think she's just fine. She's smart and she knows more than she can say. She loves to talk, but it's mostly gibberish. And she plays music and sings by herself. I'm not the least bit worried. She's a smart little girl. She's my main stress inducer, but just the same, my stress reliever.

Her stats:
Weight: 28 lbs
Height: 32.5 in

I love that kid to pieces.

XXII:

I don't know if I ever mentioned this when I was pregnant with Lily, but I feel blessed being able to carry a life inside of me.

Many of you know that I am Pagan. I worship the Mother Goddess and her Horned consort. When I was pregnant with Lily, I prayed to Gaia (a Mother-Earth goddess) every day the first month, and then every full moon the 9 months after that. I thanked her for letting carry this life inside. Since then, I have prayed to her every full moon, and continue to do it today.

Though I complain, piss and moan, about all of my symptoms, from vomiting to aches, to the headaches I get from Lily as well, I am proud to be a woman and I enjoy being pregnant. True, most of the time I'm miserable, but there is always comfort in knowing that your precious child is thriving inside of your womb. That no matter how many times you throw up during the day, or you get constipated during the month, or how many different pills you have to take to function, this baby feels safe and is growing.

Mother-goddess, Mother-earth, the Earth herself, can create life. She can take from nothing and create beauty. She can rejuvinate and can be reborn. As humans, we cannot do that. But as women, we have the opportunity to at least carry life and help it grow. A gift from the Mother herself.

I look at Lily and I can't help but feel love and loved. And I feel Iris moving around the womb, learning, playing, and I know I love her already. I will never understand why some mothers never feel this, even after their children are born. In all honesty, I take pity on them.

Iris is growing strong. I'm about 24 weeks almost. I am now in maternity clothes and my breasts are leaking. I can't eat too much "southern cooking" or I'll vomit, but the constant vomiting and nausea have been gone for a long while now. I have a few dizzy spells and other symptoms, but those are due to the medication I take.

I still haven't gained much weight. It's been fluctuating back and forth between 125 and 135, but as long as I'm 140 by the time I'm 9 months, that's all that matters to me. I was 140 with my first child and she came out healthy and beautiful. If I get to at least 140 with this one, I know she'll end up the same way regardless.

I so happy my "garden" is growing. They will soon be in full bloom together.

XXI: Little Sibling

I know I haven't posted in a while, but I've been busy with moving, getting a dog, and making sure my toddler doesn't break something or herself.

Anyway, the nausea ended not too long ago, about the 15th week, which is nice. So I'm no longer sick to my stomach or vomitting. And, I went to the doctor today...

IT'S A GIRL.

So for those of you who thought Lily was going to have a little brother....

SHE"S HAVING A SISTER!
HA! I knew it! This, I already knew. ;) My husband wants his Daddy's Girls.

XX: Pics and Vids

Little miss jump-about's pictures and videos have been updated! Check them out. Websites are as follows:

http://lilypix.blogspot.com
http://youtube.com/profile_videos?user=taintdluv2k4

XIX: Imma Shake You

Lily has gotten into her "parrot" stage.

A couple of days ago, we were sitting in a gas station while Justin pumped gas and I was playing peek-a-book with by visor mirror. Soon I was hearing a slightly slurred, but still very clear "I see you!" from her. I was so excited. She doesn't do it constantly, but when she does, I can't help but love her for it.

Another repeat example; I was getting her dressed Monday because we needed to do a last-minute walk-through in our new house before we move in, and the entire time I'm trying to dress my child, she keeps trying to run off. Now when she's acting like a pain, and I get very frustrated I semi-threaten her with some random act that I'll never do. I pull her back to me and go "Lily, stay put. I will shake you!" And while I'm buttoning up the back of her dress and starting on her bow I hear "Ima shake you." All I could do was laugh.

She's such a brat. I love her to death, though. She also knows where her "toti" (vagina) is.

XVIII: Happy Mother's Day

To all you beautiful mama's, step-mama's, and mama's-to-be:

Happy Mother's Day!

XVII:

So yesterday I had my 15 wk appt. and everything is normal. The heart rate is great, and I'm measuring at the proper fundal height. I have a scheduled ultrasound June 12, and my next check-up appointment is June 5. I find out the gender then. :

XVI:

I past the 3 month mark in late April. I've begun to show. (I'll post a picture later)

I've been in such a mood lately. Irritable, depressed, vomiting, constantly nauseous, bloated, and overheated, as well as having these horrible headaches that won't go away and light makes worse. *sigh* I have 5.5 more months of this.

XV: Uh-oh

So when Lily is doing something she knows she is not supposed to (like unplugging her fan or stereo) and gets caught while doing it. She'll stand there until you ask her to move and go "uh-oh" because she got caught. Example from last night:

Me: leaving the bathroom and turn to look at what Lily is doing in room
Lily: unplugged her fan and is now unplugging her stereo
Me: Lily! Stop! No! You'll hurt yourself!
Lily: jumps in shock, hangs her head, then stands there and sways while she waits for what is next
Me: Come here.
Lily: Uh-oh. Follows me out of the room.

With that said, her videos and photos have been updated with stuff from yesterday as well. ;)

XIV: Springtime Photos

I keep forgetting to post these! And at least now the scanner's working. ;) Click on the photos!!

XIII: Ugh...

DISCLAIMER: this is a bit TMI, not too much though.

So Friday morning, after feeding Lily and drinking some juice, I go into the kitchen to make myself a bowl of cereal. I start gagging a bit, which is nothing new as I've had massive nausea since day one, until it got stronger. I run to the bathroom, knowing the signs (salivating, tightening of the skin around my face), and threw up nothing but a pink blob of mucous (sinus drainage and juice) and bile. No fun. J was a sweetheart and rubbed my back until I was okay again.

Saturday passed without any problems. My allergies were at a minimum and so was the nausea.

Sunday evening, dinner time, and about an hour after eating, I go into the kitchen to throw something away and have to run to the bathroom to vomit. It hit so hard this time, though, that I sat over the toilet, vomit drooling from my mouth and nose, and cried. My face and body hurt from the retching, and my insides hurt from the bile. Even though I had eaten, 90 percent of it had been bile. J stayed with me in the bathroom until I had calmed down and afterward I lay down in bed.

No matter what I take the nausea won't go away. I've been sitting here, for about two hours, slowly eating soda crackers and drinking carbonated water to settle my stomach. I've tried peppermints, Pepto.... I'm just too tired and to sick to care now. I need to sleep anyway.

XII: Big Girl Bed

My mother in law bought Lily a Disney Princess "room in a box" set. I put it together the day it arrived, except for the bed. As soon as the toy organiser and the table and chairs were up, Lily was on them like hot sauce on chicken. It was too cute. She absolutely loves her table and chairs. Saturday morning, when she woke up, I had to drag her out of her room for breakfast because she went staright for the table and she hadn't fully woken up yet.

Yesterday, I decided it's time to put her in a regular bed. Or at least try if it didn't work out. Well, it worked out just fine. After guiding her on how to get up onto and down off the bed, she did it by herself. After fighting with her to stay in bed for a good hour, she fell asleep just fine. She did cry a bit during the night, but I think she's just getting used to the big change. I didn't wean her off the crib, she just went straight to the bed, but I thought it would have been more difficult.

Tonight she went to bed fine as well, sort of. I'm assuming she's still apprehensive. She used to sleep just fine in the dark with the night light on and the door open a crack so I could hear her. Tonight she would not rest unless the door was wide open. I'd leave it a crack, and after a while I'd hear the squeak of the door opening. The last time she did it, I just ignored it. When I went to go check up on her, she was passed out on the bed and the door was wide open. I guess it's just a fear of abandonment or something. She no longer has protective walls around her when she sleeps. I put the gate at her door, since I don't want her roaming the house if she does wake up in the middle of the night. I guess it's just a lot of getting used to for her and this helps her sleep at night. Whatever works. It bothers me none just as long as she sleeps.

So far, there have been no problems with the bed. She whacked her face pretty hard last night on the plastic rail (thank God it's plastic and not metal) when she lost her pacifier in her sleep, and she toppled backward off the side of the bed this afternoon while playing, hitting her head on the wall. But I don't see those as problems. She doesn't open her eyes when she's searching for the pacifier, so that's an accident waiting to happen, and unfortunately she learned the hard way not to lean back off the side of the bed.

We'll be posting pictures and videos soon of her and her new Princess room. ;) *sigh* My baby is growing up too fast.

Edit: 01:05 About a little over a half an hour ago I hear Lily make an aggravated noise. I check up on her to find her sitting up in bed, eyes closed, pacifier-less. I find the pacifier, put it in her mouth and watch her just topple sideways back in bed and to sleep. She's just too damned cute.

XI: Old Slides

They may not show. Just keeping the coding in a safe spot as I'm deleting my myspace account.

BTW-- Lily's pictures and videos were updated a couple of weeks ago:
Lily Pix
Lily Vids





My growing monkey; my pride and joy

| View Show | Create Your Own

 

X:

I've been paranoid for a while now. True, I'm not due until sometime between Oct 21 and 29 (the kid keeps growing and shrinking) but I can't help but ponder.

I had a cesarean with my first due to complications during delivery. Now, according to my doctor everything is fine and dandy, everything is healed well, and everything is in its rightful place. Now, since I couldn't have a natural delivery with the Lily like I had hoped, I wanted to try again with Iris. I asked my doctor if he had any concerns with me having a VBAC and he said no. However, I am fully aware that .7% of women have encountered uterine rupture during.

So far, during this pregnancy, my body has been fully aware that it has been cut open before. Intercourse in uncomfortable, and sometimes downright painful. Picking up my toddler has resulted in tugs and strains around and behind my scar. Doing simple things such as sneezing causes it to feel like it did when the sutures were still in place; a gooey, my-insides-are-coming-out-of-my-body feeling.

I'm probably just being paranoid. I'm good at that. But I can't help but worry when I keep feeling this discomfort around and behind my scar.

IX:

So the fact that I am pregnant and need to start over with raising a child has finally hit. I had family and friends visiting this past week and it was nice to not have to constantly chase after Lily. Today I fell apart. I'm blaming it on the pregnancy hormones. I'm stressed out, tired, sick, emotional to no end, that I just sat down in the bathroom and had a good cry. I'm not ready to do this again. I don't want to do this again.

But it's too late to turn back now....

I have just about snapped. Lily was into everything today. I had friends and family up here visiting for spring break, so I had a lovely dose of a break that when now all of them are gone, I'm at wit's end. She was into everything, ate half a tub of Vaseline, bit me, pinched me, yelled at me, and just downright ignored me. I don't know how many times I punished her today.

I know she's acting out because she is not getting the attention she wants/needs/was getting this week. But I am only one person. I put her to bed early and she threw the biggest fit you'd swear I was beating her. I just broke down and cried for a while.

I am so stressed out that I just want to shake her. She has been such a nightmare since her grandma and uncle left and turned into a little demon after Kesia left today. I can't do this. I just can't. I don't know what possesed me to belive that I could be a good mom and that I could function with a toddler while being pregnant. I don't want to do this again, I don't want to start over.

I'm at an emotional breaking point and I just don't know what to do anymore. I've been depressed for weeks, I just haven't talked to anyone about it. I just don't know.

VIII:

I keep track of my period through MyMonthlyCycles.Com. Because my periods are technically irregular, this helps me out a lot. I checked it monthly and would have my period starting either the day the site predicted or a couple of days before. So when I get a notice in my e-mail saying that my period is late, I'm like, WTF? (I've obviously neglected to pay attention recently) So I decide to wait a bit. Day 4 comes around and still nothing so I get a pregnancy test and at NOON (hormone levels are at the highest in the morning) that test comes out positive two seconds after it sat in urine.

TA-DA! I'm pregnant again. LOL. :)

At least I know Lily won't be the only child. :D

VII: Siblings

In late October Lily will have a baby brother or sister. I'll post more about it later tonight. :)

VI:

Lily is determined to feed herself. During breakfast the minute I sit her down she starts screaming because I haven't handed her the spoon. She'll let me guide her but she just has to hold the utensils. It's rather cute. She's very determined. It's all her doing, she wants to be a big girl. I got her a bowl that suction cups to the table, but she figured out how to undo it. For the most part she leave it alone until it's nearly empty. We got her new cups without handles so she can learn how to hold a regular cup and she actually prefers that over her handled sippy-cups. She's so funny; just so damned determined to grow up.

V:

Well, Lily has six teeth now. She got two of them this month at the same time, and she was not in a good mood. But for the most part, teeth-wise, she's been fine. Another one is slowly coming in.

Words she says: Pee-boo (peek-a-boo). Stop! (we rarely use no) I do/did it. Yay! Heh-o. (Hello) Hey! Hi! Ah-uh. (Uh-oh) Okay. Oh, gosh. And I caught her this morning saying oh, shit. So I seriously need to watch my mouth now. Lol

She still loves to dance. When she's cranky and being a pain in the ass, I just put on some music and she's good. She'll just dance around the apartment. She loves her teddy bears and picks them up and hugs them and walks around with them. This goes for any of her stuffed animals. I'm also happy that even though she has tons of toys, she plays with every single one. And because we read a lot here, she can be found with one of her books "reading." If she wants to turn on the TV, I usually leave the armoire open and she'll just turn it on herself. When she thinks it time to do something else (whether or not I'm watching TV) she'll turn it off and close the armoire.

Lately I've been letting her try and feed herself. She's still having problems with the spoon and fork, but she is determined. Most of the time she just gives up, dumps the food out, and sticks the bowl on her head. I've had to bathe her after a couple of meals because of this. She's done it with eggs, spaghetti, and a "sandwich" bowl so far. (My sandwich bowl is just a sandwich cut into bite-size pieces)

All in all, she's a very healthy, and very dorky, little girl. She's such a nerd sometimes. I am happy though that her "throwing" tantrums are done. I guess she realized that doing that hurts. Now she just stamps her feet in a circle. Right now she's grabbed my car keys and is waving goodbye. She loves to go places. Seriously, she'll throw a fit if she's seen us getting ready and she's ready and no one is out the door yet. Very demanding little monkey. Even with kisses, which she loves to give and get, especially with hugs. Such a lovely diva she is.

IV:

Lily has been screaming/crying and throwing a fit for two days straight just b/c I won't let her get her way.

I'm stressed out and have a headache.

She also has a new tooth.

III:

New pictures and videos.

II:

Now, she already knew how to play, with hands over eyes or hiding behind a book, but guess who now says "Peek-a-boo"? Yep. Well, it's more like "pee-boo", but close enough. :)

I: One year (audio post)

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Voice Post