XXII:

I don't know if I ever mentioned this when I was pregnant with Lily, but I feel blessed being able to carry a life inside of me.

Many of you know that I am Pagan. I worship the Mother Goddess and her Horned consort. When I was pregnant with Lily, I prayed to Gaia (a Mother-Earth goddess) every day the first month, and then every full moon the 9 months after that. I thanked her for letting carry this life inside. Since then, I have prayed to her every full moon, and continue to do it today.

Though I complain, piss and moan, about all of my symptoms, from vomiting to aches, to the headaches I get from Lily as well, I am proud to be a woman and I enjoy being pregnant. True, most of the time I'm miserable, but there is always comfort in knowing that your precious child is thriving inside of your womb. That no matter how many times you throw up during the day, or you get constipated during the month, or how many different pills you have to take to function, this baby feels safe and is growing.

Mother-goddess, Mother-earth, the Earth herself, can create life. She can take from nothing and create beauty. She can rejuvinate and can be reborn. As humans, we cannot do that. But as women, we have the opportunity to at least carry life and help it grow. A gift from the Mother herself.

I look at Lily and I can't help but feel love and loved. And I feel Iris moving around the womb, learning, playing, and I know I love her already. I will never understand why some mothers never feel this, even after their children are born. In all honesty, I take pity on them.

Iris is growing strong. I'm about 24 weeks almost. I am now in maternity clothes and my breasts are leaking. I can't eat too much "southern cooking" or I'll vomit, but the constant vomiting and nausea have been gone for a long while now. I have a few dizzy spells and other symptoms, but those are due to the medication I take.

I still haven't gained much weight. It's been fluctuating back and forth between 125 and 135, but as long as I'm 140 by the time I'm 9 months, that's all that matters to me. I was 140 with my first child and she came out healthy and beautiful. If I get to at least 140 with this one, I know she'll end up the same way regardless.

I so happy my "garden" is growing. They will soon be in full bloom together.