XI: Old Slides

They may not show. Just keeping the coding in a safe spot as I'm deleting my myspace account.

BTW-- Lily's pictures and videos were updated a couple of weeks ago:
Lily Pix
Lily Vids





My growing monkey; my pride and joy

| View Show | Create Your Own

 

X:

I've been paranoid for a while now. True, I'm not due until sometime between Oct 21 and 29 (the kid keeps growing and shrinking) but I can't help but ponder.

I had a cesarean with my first due to complications during delivery. Now, according to my doctor everything is fine and dandy, everything is healed well, and everything is in its rightful place. Now, since I couldn't have a natural delivery with the Lily like I had hoped, I wanted to try again with Iris. I asked my doctor if he had any concerns with me having a VBAC and he said no. However, I am fully aware that .7% of women have encountered uterine rupture during.

So far, during this pregnancy, my body has been fully aware that it has been cut open before. Intercourse in uncomfortable, and sometimes downright painful. Picking up my toddler has resulted in tugs and strains around and behind my scar. Doing simple things such as sneezing causes it to feel like it did when the sutures were still in place; a gooey, my-insides-are-coming-out-of-my-body feeling.

I'm probably just being paranoid. I'm good at that. But I can't help but worry when I keep feeling this discomfort around and behind my scar.

IX:

So the fact that I am pregnant and need to start over with raising a child has finally hit. I had family and friends visiting this past week and it was nice to not have to constantly chase after Lily. Today I fell apart. I'm blaming it on the pregnancy hormones. I'm stressed out, tired, sick, emotional to no end, that I just sat down in the bathroom and had a good cry. I'm not ready to do this again. I don't want to do this again.

But it's too late to turn back now....

I have just about snapped. Lily was into everything today. I had friends and family up here visiting for spring break, so I had a lovely dose of a break that when now all of them are gone, I'm at wit's end. She was into everything, ate half a tub of Vaseline, bit me, pinched me, yelled at me, and just downright ignored me. I don't know how many times I punished her today.

I know she's acting out because she is not getting the attention she wants/needs/was getting this week. But I am only one person. I put her to bed early and she threw the biggest fit you'd swear I was beating her. I just broke down and cried for a while.

I am so stressed out that I just want to shake her. She has been such a nightmare since her grandma and uncle left and turned into a little demon after Kesia left today. I can't do this. I just can't. I don't know what possesed me to belive that I could be a good mom and that I could function with a toddler while being pregnant. I don't want to do this again, I don't want to start over.

I'm at an emotional breaking point and I just don't know what to do anymore. I've been depressed for weeks, I just haven't talked to anyone about it. I just don't know.

VIII:

I keep track of my period through MyMonthlyCycles.Com. Because my periods are technically irregular, this helps me out a lot. I checked it monthly and would have my period starting either the day the site predicted or a couple of days before. So when I get a notice in my e-mail saying that my period is late, I'm like, WTF? (I've obviously neglected to pay attention recently) So I decide to wait a bit. Day 4 comes around and still nothing so I get a pregnancy test and at NOON (hormone levels are at the highest in the morning) that test comes out positive two seconds after it sat in urine.

TA-DA! I'm pregnant again. LOL. :)

At least I know Lily won't be the only child. :D

VII: Siblings

In late October Lily will have a baby brother or sister. I'll post more about it later tonight. :)

VI:

Lily is determined to feed herself. During breakfast the minute I sit her down she starts screaming because I haven't handed her the spoon. She'll let me guide her but she just has to hold the utensils. It's rather cute. She's very determined. It's all her doing, she wants to be a big girl. I got her a bowl that suction cups to the table, but she figured out how to undo it. For the most part she leave it alone until it's nearly empty. We got her new cups without handles so she can learn how to hold a regular cup and she actually prefers that over her handled sippy-cups. She's so funny; just so damned determined to grow up.

V:

Well, Lily has six teeth now. She got two of them this month at the same time, and she was not in a good mood. But for the most part, teeth-wise, she's been fine. Another one is slowly coming in.

Words she says: Pee-boo (peek-a-boo). Stop! (we rarely use no) I do/did it. Yay! Heh-o. (Hello) Hey! Hi! Ah-uh. (Uh-oh) Okay. Oh, gosh. And I caught her this morning saying oh, shit. So I seriously need to watch my mouth now. Lol

She still loves to dance. When she's cranky and being a pain in the ass, I just put on some music and she's good. She'll just dance around the apartment. She loves her teddy bears and picks them up and hugs them and walks around with them. This goes for any of her stuffed animals. I'm also happy that even though she has tons of toys, she plays with every single one. And because we read a lot here, she can be found with one of her books "reading." If she wants to turn on the TV, I usually leave the armoire open and she'll just turn it on herself. When she thinks it time to do something else (whether or not I'm watching TV) she'll turn it off and close the armoire.

Lately I've been letting her try and feed herself. She's still having problems with the spoon and fork, but she is determined. Most of the time she just gives up, dumps the food out, and sticks the bowl on her head. I've had to bathe her after a couple of meals because of this. She's done it with eggs, spaghetti, and a "sandwich" bowl so far. (My sandwich bowl is just a sandwich cut into bite-size pieces)

All in all, she's a very healthy, and very dorky, little girl. She's such a nerd sometimes. I am happy though that her "throwing" tantrums are done. I guess she realized that doing that hurts. Now she just stamps her feet in a circle. Right now she's grabbed my car keys and is waving goodbye. She loves to go places. Seriously, she'll throw a fit if she's seen us getting ready and she's ready and no one is out the door yet. Very demanding little monkey. Even with kisses, which she loves to give and get, especially with hugs. Such a lovely diva she is.